The Broken Honeypot

On the basis of the application of hermetic and hermeneutic principles, combining the Gaia hypothesis and the ecology of hamsters, I have begun to develop an alternative zodiac and futuromancy to help modern people make sense of their lives, plan their weddings and pay money to fortune tellers. I have not yet decided whether to call it Cricetinomancy or Astrocricetinology, in both cases with a sub-astral focus on lunar trans-energistic modulation and vitalo-functive transduction of life-giving aethers.

Anyway, the Broken honeypot applies to people born during neap tides, when the moon is in its first or third quarter, from the 13th of September to the 14th of December, except for the 1st and 2nd of October. Every year that is divisible by 5 it also applies to people born from the 2nd to the 8th of May.

Broken honeypot people are just like other people, but they may be given to taciturnity coupled with outbursts of sociability, they can be likeable but also annoying, sometimes they like to devote themselves to a certain pursuit single-mindedly, but this can easily turn to laziness and a generally slothish demeanour. Broken honeypots should avoid eating healthy food, because they have a tendency to absorb too many vitamins from even the worst refuse, and could be susceptible to hypervitaminosis. For some unknown reason, broken honeypots are possibly more likely under rare circumstances to have more accidents involving the liver and kidneys. Beware of lice and bedbugs, for they have a predilection for honeypots, along with bears.